Lipomassage (which often goes by the name of its manufacturer, a company called Endermologie) is supposed to be a breakthrough technology to treat cellulite.

Breakthrough and even the notion that it is a technology - are a bit of a stretch. It is basically a pair of rollers. As you would expect, they are rolled over the offending areas of cellulite. The Endermologie website, evidently looking frantically for something to say, points out (at great length with a series of animated drawings) that they can be rolled in, out and up!

Actually, the website is rather baffling. Take this picture. Why is the device being pointed to the patient's underarm and why is the esthetician wearing cast-offs from the set of Star Trek? I'm not even going to speculate on the patient's outfit.

There is another picture where the patient has around her ankle what looks like one of those elastic bands you use at the gym. Surely, they don't make you exercise whilst being rolled on; that would be cheating.

Still Gunnar Peterson, celebrity trainer to stars such as Sylvestor Stallone, endorses it, so I decided to put a lid on my inner curmudgeon and find out more.

One of my favorite pastimes is to lurk on websites used by medspa professionals. In the privacy of their forums, doctors will be surprisingly candid. Here are some choice quotes on the subject of Endermologie:

"I use endermologie and the results are small and temporary."

"Weight loss works. It certainly seems to help cellulite. Sorry, but its still the most effective solution I have seen."

"The fact is that there are NO GOOD CURES FOR CELLULITE."

"I use Endermologie between the deeper facial system and the skin causing compartmentalization of the fat and retraction of the skin on all patients after thigh liposuction. I really think it helps speed along recovery and disbursement of fluid, but I can tell you that as far as a cellulite cure, it only causes a little swelling temporarily that hides the septal retractions."

So there you have it.