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Discovered: Products That Promise the Perfect "V"

The Perfect V Products
August 7, 2017 Reviewed by Marta 1 Comment

When I first read about The Perfect V, I was ready to consign it to the Dept of Daft along with Gwyneth Paltrow’s yoni eggs. After all, this Scandinavian company has a similarly kooky obsession with a woman’s nether regions. The more I read about Perfect V products on beauty websites, the more perplexed and then annoyed I became.

The Perfect V has editors all of a flutter because one of its products is for prettifying the vulva. What intrigued and surprised me is that most of these reviewers — none of whom seem to have actually tried the Very V Luminizer ($43) — are trying to convince themselves that we actually need this. It takes about three minutes of rational thought to dispel this idea, so give me three minutes of your time.

Copy writers for The Perfect V say the shades of Very V Luminizer will “highlight, soften and illuminate.” Specifically, it has “luminious iridescent color to add some extra prettiness to the V… making it appear more youthful and fresh.” Are you rolling your eyes yet?

I had three practical reactions to this: First, how would one determine this? I don’t know about you, but I am simply not flexible enough to get a good enough look to verify. Secondly, I don’t have a mental before and after — I have no idea what my younger self’s vulva looked like compared to my 57-year-old V. Finally, why would anyone care (assuming things are functioning as they should and this thing which is basically a highlighter wouldn’t be of any help if they weren’t)? How long are you going to spend looking at your luminous vulva anyway? Please don’t mention selfies.

Okay, so now we should consider the third-party observer. I get that one may want a younger, prettier vulva for the delectation of a sexual partner. But even then, I can’t imagine — indeed wouldn’t want to — a situation in which a highlighter would stay on long enough to even matter. At the risk of being indelicate, what I mean is wouldn’t healthy, hot-blooded activity result it being rubbed off before it can be appreciated? Personally, I would hope so.

Before I get much more personal, it is probably time to move on to the wider implications of this product. There is no such thing as the perfect V and nor should we women be made to feel inadequate about the part of our bodies that both makes us quintessentially female and uniquely our own selves. I was arguing against vaginal cleansers, scented tampons and other nonsensical “feminine hygiene” products (these and more are also offered by Perfect V) as a young feminist 30 years or more ago. Have we come only this far?

Recently, the American Society of Plastic Surgeons reported a 39 percent increase in labiaplasty surgeries in 2016, with more than 12,000 procedures. The President of the society speculated that this was the result of cultural changes and social media with young women feeling increasingly self-conscious. A doctor interviewed by USA Today said that some women are virgins because “they are uncomfortable showing a partner their genitals.” Chillingly, he mentioned an increase in women of all ages requesting labial surgery, but especially those 18 and younger.  With this in mind, I give a V sign to the Perfect V.

  • August 8, 2017

    by Tena

    Marta, absolutely brilliant review (as always)! :)

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