Whereas my extremities tend to be ice-cold even on sweltering summer nights, my boyfriend David perpetually radiates heat. You might suspect that the anatomical divide between the sexes (and contradictory biological thermostats) is to blame, but the real secret to David's warmth lies in the little hairs poking through his shirt collar. Concealed under that neckline is a woolly vest that he must wear year-round. A caveman might appreciate this built-in garment, but a professional lawyer finds it far less charming. So to spare David the sweat-inducing torment of donning a full undershirt beneath his suit every day, I got him a Moom for Men Hair Removal System
and went to work on his upper chest.
I was initially attracted to Moom's hair removal kit for its all-organic formula. Saving the skin from harmful chemicals that are common in salon wax treatments, Moom contains just six ingredients: sugar, water, chamomile, lemon juice, aloe vera
, and boswellia. I had heard of at-home waxing mixtures made up of simply melted sugar (a natural adhesive and preservative), water, and lemon juice (an antiseptic that prevents sugar from being crystalized during storage). Moom boosts this basic recipe with proven anti-inflammatory and soothing botanicals. Because of its purity, Moom promises that the solution can be readily rinsed off with lukewarm water after waxing.
The simple, unsticky process sounded like a winner to me. Of course, David thought otherwise, instinctively recoiling at the thought of ripping hairs forcibly from his man armor. After poking fun of the strangely ambiguous image on Moom's packaging, he agreed to be a guinea pig in the service of Truth in Aging. Luckily, his chest hairs met the 1/2 inch requirement for waxing to work.
We popped the 6 oz. container of Moom sauce in the microwave for ten seconds and out came a scalding pot of liquid magma. A few morsels of advice: check your microwave's wattage settings, test the temperature of the solution with your finger before applying, and most importantly, do not leave a man alone with this stuff! As is the tendency of men to refuse directions, David did not even glance at Moom's instructions and had no idea what was the role of the wooden applicators and fabric strips. He might now have third degree burns if I had not stepped in to assist with application.
With a second set of hands doing the dirty work, the skin-coating and hair-removing process went rather smoothly. Moom has a honey-like consistency that sticks to everything in sight and tends to get messy. But the solution washes off practically any surface with soap and water. Even the cotton strips are reusable after rinsing and drying. I prepared eight separate landing strips of wax and removed each swathe of hair from the top of David's chest one after the other. Total time: 10 minutes.
The end result was a flaming red neckline speckled with stray hairs and tiny blood bubbles. Because the wax strips are meant to be removed in the opposite direction of the growth of hair, the chest (like the back) is a tricky area where hair typically grows every which way. I had to apply a fabric patch multiple times to the same section to get it completely hair-free, which resulted in beads of blood and sensitivity. As promised, the residual Moom slime washed off instantly in the shower.
In spite of the burning and bleeding, Moom got a positive appraisal overall. There was none of the itching that accompanies shaving, and on the following day, the redness had subsided considerably. All that remained was a backdrop of red dots, like microscopic memorials to a once-great population of hair. I would not recommend trying this procedure for the first time before a big day at the beach or pool party where you plan on going shirtless.
The tearing process registered on the low end of David's discomfort scale (which may be higher than the average male who doesn't take pleasure in a little pain). What hurt more than the actual pulling of hair was the blotting of magma Moom on an already tender area. Not only is skin sensitivity supposed to decrease with repeated use as hairs weaken, but the smooth results are said to last up to six weeks. Unless hairs start sprouting through David's neckline over the next few weeks, I think we may just have to keep up this extremely metrosexual, yet effectual, method of manscaping.
Sugar, Water, Chamomile, Lemon Juice, Aloe Vera, Boswellia