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NASA Calls BS on Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP Healing Stickers

Gwyneth Paltrow
July 3, 2017 Reviewed by Marta 1 Comment

I remember when Gwyneth Paltrow launched her website Goop in 2008 and later her eponymous skin care range. She’d gone off my radar at some point between her epiphany about cupping and stating she would rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a can. Urged by a community member to take a look at one of her newest products, I realized that Goop has been reaching new heights, or perhaps depths. My personal favorite: Putting jade eggs in your “yoni.”

If this advice seems as mysterious to you as it did to me, then all you really need know is that a yoni is what you were thinking it might be, and Gwyneth has Ob/gyns from Canada to California hopping mad. Goop seems to have evolved from flower arrangements to wide-ranging alternative health ideas that medical professionals are describing not just as crackpot, but dangerous.

Goop was recently selling something called Body Vibes. These are stickers. And I mean, literally, stickers. That is, unless I was to believe the Goop hype in that these are made from NASA space suit material — some kind of carbon that monitors your vitals and comes “pre-programmed to an ideal frequency, allowing them to target imbalances.” It’s hard to know where to start in order to unpack this nonsense, but one intrepid journalist got hold of NASA and spoke to someone in their spacewalk department (really!). It was confirmed that they don’t use carbon in space suits, and a former NASA person proclaimed the whole thing BS.

I moseyed over to the Goop online shop and was almost disappointed to find that Body Vibes ($120 for a strip of 24) seemed to have been yanked. Still, while I was there, I was curious to see what else Goop was selling in the wellness and beauty depts.

Some of it is delightfully hilarious. A personal favorite is a spray that makes your child well behaved. It’s called Chill Child and, with a spritz of Reiki Crystal-Infused whatever, tantrums are calmed. No wonder it is sold out. Do they have one for husbands?

That thought creates a segue, if you’ll permit me, to Sex Dust ($30) made by a company called Moon Juice. You can add a teaspoon to any beverage “to ignite sexy energy in and out of the bedroom.” Quite so, why confine yourself to the bedroom, especially if the offspring are becalmed with Chill Child. Now, this little potion is based on Ho Shou Wu. Of course, I had do an online search on this and found that this Chinese herb is “cloaked in mystery.” Probably just as well. However, for the more practical amongst you, I did find that it gives strength and stability to the lower back and knees. Which, when you think about it, seems appropriate. 

  • July 3, 2017

    by Felicia

    Thank you for your astute observations and your article. Several years ago I followed Ms. Paltrow's goop site - and sadly, fell for the much of her hype and nonsense. I purchased expensive skin care items based on goop's recommendation only to find the products were average at best. I also tried a few of the Moon Juice products as well. I spent hundreds of dollars - but learned to be a smarter consumer. Good article. Thanks for speaking up. All the best!

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