Jonathan Product's Dirt Texturizing Paste has me utterly flummoxed. Not only have I failed to work out how to use it, I don't understand what it is for.


I bought Dirt Texturizing Paste in Sephora mostly because I recognized the brand name, Jonathan Product, from looking into shower water purifiers. I have tried several times since then to make good use of it. In vain. First of all the label is incomprehensible. Perhaps there was a printing error. I quote verbatim: "There is something amazing about the way hair looks the day after washing, that is. I created Dirt to help you get that look easily." Eh?

What look? A kind of greasy, dull, my-hair-needs-washing kind of look? If so, it succeeds.

Secondly, the instructions demand that you "rub a small amount in your hands until it liquifies". I have tried this over, and over again. With small amounts, minute amounts, rather more generous amounts, a little rubbing, dedicated rubbing..... It never, ever liquifies. As in, becomes liquid. Which is what liquifies means. Check the dictionary if in doubt.

The chief ingredient in Jonathan Product Dirt is lanolin wax, which is secreted by wool-bearing animals. So that's why I look like an old sheep!

Jonathan Product is Jonathan Antin (of the Bravo show Blow Out). I strongly suspect that anyone who starts calling themselves Jonathan Product for the purposes of selling a hair care line adopted the name so that they would appear in Google search rankings when people are looking, for example, for "a good hair product". OK, OK. That's probably overly cynical.