With the royal wedding taking up almost every tabloid worldwide, it was only a matter of time that we here at Truth in Aging got into the game. It’s hard not to, I don’t even care for weddings
yet I’m a bit transfixed by this upcoming event. Beauty companies as well have capitalized on this sudden royal fever and we’re starting to see some odd products make their way to shelves, many claiming to be inspired by the royal wedding itself.
: Up first comes the most shameless beauty inspired product, “No More Waity, Kaite” limited edition nail polish from Butter London
. This isn’t a subtle product, this has Katie’s name plastered right in the name of the color. In this bottle, you’ll be getting a lilac colored (purple hues have always been related to Royalty) glitter polish. Ironically enough, when trying to order this product, the site says "NOT AVAILABLE FOR UK CUSTOMERS." Call me crazy, but I think it would make sense to sell a product inspired by the UK, to people living in the UK.
: Even the little companies are getting into the whole royal wedding product craze. This one seller on the independent selling site Etsy
has created Royal English Toffee Lip Balm
. The seller notes “I created this lip balm in honor of Prince William's and Kate Middleton's upcoming wedding; a loyal Princess Diana fan since childhood, I simply could not help myself!” The overall ingredients aren’t too bad with natural beeswax, cocoa butter, unrefined shea butter, sweet almond oil, grapeseed oil, jojoba oil, castor oil, tocopherol, flavor
and at $3:50 the price is fine by me. I’m just not sure who wants their lips to taste like toffee all the time but who am I to judge, in America we have bacon flavored lip balm
. Not to be outdone, Bath & Body works is offering their own line of lip products.
You can get four tubes branded with names like “Princess in Training” and “If the Tiara Fits” for $4:00. The difference is that this is a full-on lip gloss so expect high shine if you’re using this product. They are available in pineapple, melon, spicy berry, and creamy orange flavors. Am I missing something or is there NOTHING remotely British about those flavors? Are pineapples and “creamy oranges” even grown in the UK?
: Bath & Beyond is really pushing their royal wedding theme, and for no apparent reason. I mean, the lip glosses didn’t even have anything “Royal Wedding” related except the names of their glosses and packaging which had a British flag on it. They continue their idiotic ways with hand sanitizer. With ingredients of water, alcohol, and fragrance, with “Tahitian palm milk” to condition hands, there is absolutely nothing royal about this except the stupid packaging- and even that is kind of pop culture spoof of the royal wedding. This gets my vote for least creative royal wedding inspired product. I might as well buy a bag of diapers, stick a British flag on it, and say it’s from the new royal wedding collection. My “Don’t Crap Yourself Before The Wedding
” line of diapers would be more royal wedding inspired than anything Bath & Beyond has to offer.
: I’ve never been a fan of press on nails
; there was something unnervingly unnatural about them - until now. It turns out that in local Westminster souvenir shops, there are Royal Wedding inspired nails. I did some research and found them being made online by someone called LynnsBoutique
. For the low price of $7.99, you get 20 nails in 10 different sizes and one container of nail glue OR 40 double sides stickers. That’s a deal if I ever seen one. OK, I may have been harsh on the nail polish, but there really is absolutely nothing subtle about this product. You will literally be gluing pictures of William and Kate, to your fingers. If that isn’t sexy, I don’t know what is.
The unfortunate part is that there hasn’t been any great products released that have been inspired by the wedding. But I guess with every big event there comes an odd product. We dealt with President Obama condoms in the last election, we’re introduced to fake nails for the royal wedding, and lord help us for what we’ll be dealing with for the next big event.